Thursday, July 17, 2014

From the Archives

Last evening my daughter Kate was visiting Jerry and me and somehow the conversation took an ugly turn.  By that I mean that one of them inadvertently discovered that I have 1,358 emails in my account.  What??  I swear I didn't get the point until they both stopped laughing long enough to disclose that neither of them have any emails saved.  Zero.  Really?

After they were finished pouncing on me and I'd completed licking my emotional wounds, I realized that a whole new area of potential stress had just been introduced.  Like anybody really needs that!  Am I'm supposed to take time from shoveling out my physical world to address this virtual clutter?  Why should I even care?  Let these hundreds of messages float around in the cloud for all eternity, I just can't whip up the enthusiasm to address this.

Instead of correcting this obvious flaw in my character by initiating a frenzy of deletion, I decided to change my perspective.  I checked with a friend who revealed that every email I've ever sent has been put in a special file devoted just to my messages so they can be reread and laughed at anytime the spirit inspires.  So it's not just me then.  Some of us use our emails as virtual diaries!  It's not a vice, it's a virtue.  

Here is one of my oldest email threads, coauthored by my husband and his friend Jack. It's dated January, 2010 - right after I opened my gmail account. (Not only do I save my own emails, I save ones where I was only a passive observer.)  The addresses have been xxxx'd out to protect the innocent.

Sent: Saturday, January 16, 2010 6:59 PM
Subject: Contact Information

Beginning at 11:47 AM EDST today I will be known as Lord Edward FitzGerald.
Sent: Sunday, January 17, 2010 12:23 AM
Subject: RE: Contact Information

Yes, your Ugliness. I live to serve.  Did you check to see if was available? 
Actually, I'm jealous as hell.


Date: January 17, 2010 at 9:30:16 AM EST
Cc: Chris
Subject: RE: Contact Information

Mr. and Mrs. Chxxxx;

1. Why? I had no choice
2. Made up name? This name was conferred upon me by the universe. 
3. New development: At 9:20 this morning Chris informed me that she would like to be referred to as Lady Grace. 
4. This link does not exist.

Lord Edward FitzGerald

I sent these emails to Kate and Jerry and they laughed.  They couldn't have done that without me, because they've deleted all the fun right out of their email boxes.

Fondly submitted,

Lady Grace FitzGerald   


Unknown said...

That is not entirely true. I think I might have 6 emails in my inbox. AND not to mention, I have been "really good" and I have texts that date back almost one whole month! That is such an accomplishment!

Anonymous said...

LOL I am a virtual saver, I do feel compelled to file my emails and if I have over 200 in my inbox I get a little stressed about it. The oldest one I have from you though is from 2007. Its a picture of your girls at a tigers game :) Kate was blonde :) The next one I have is one called Doggy humor- also from you. I laughed all over again! I'll send it back to you just for fun :)

Swimming Upstream said...

Glad you didn't post that picture!

ebard3 said...

Kate! Bless you. I delete texts as soon as the conversation is over. People think I'm crazy but 1.) Your phone slows down and 2.) I dont have patience for that.

Chris- I have 13 emails in my inbox right now. All are waiting for further inquiries that my procrastination is effecting.

Unknown said...

Don't sweat it; I have 2,125 emails in my inbox and I'm a wonderful person.

- Lord Pickles Magee