Happy Birthday to ME!!

It's my fortieth birthday.  The house is a mess.  Kate has come down with the chicken pox.  I'm homeschooling Jessica while trying to comfort my sick child. Josh comes home from school in a foul mood.  Happy birthday to ME.

"When are you going to clean this place up?" asked Josh.

"Tomorrow."

That answer is not good enough for him.

"It looks pretty bad in here," he announces.

"Yup."  It's my birthday and I am stressed out! I have enough going on.  Cleaning can wait. Besides, I rationalize, Jer and I are going out for dinner and movie with the Chirches and the kids will just trash it while we're gone anyway.

"Susan, my new girlfriend, might be stopping by tonight while I'm babysitting."

"You are not allowed to have friends over when you babysit."

"She'll be with her parents.  They're eating in Milan [nearby town] and might stop on their way back." Josh has always been a master of the quick come-back but even the "parent trump card" doesn't sway me. 

"Your girlfriend.  Her parents.  You want the house clean?  Clean it yourself.  It's my birthday and I'm NOT cleaning."  End of discussion.

I felt pangs of guilt because he was right, the place really did look like the inside of a wastebasket.  It really could wait until tomorrow though.  And doesn't a person deserve to take a day off on a Big Zero birthday? 

After we ate, Jer made some excuse about forgetting our tickets to the show, so we went back home to get them.  Obviously I noticed all the cars parked everywhere on our street, but we lived across from a funeral home, so at first I thought it was a visitation.  When we got close enough to see the parking lot was vacant, I came unglued: "I can't believe that JOSH is having a party when we're NOT HOME!!"  (No kidding, I am that easily fooled.)

When I saw my friend's van, realization dawned.  And then visions of the shape I left the house in flooded my mind.  I was about to experience the most embarrassing moment of my life and most of my favorite people were going to be there to witness it.  Clearly, this was not going to be my finest hour. 

Summoning up all my courage, I went inside and was STUNNED!  The house had never looked this good.  It was SPARKLING CLEAN!  How did this happen? 

After the party was over, I asked my son how he did it.

"Six black garbage bags in the garage." he said.

To this very day, that remains one of my favorite cleaning techniques.

Today's my 60th birthday and Mardi Gras!
Coincidence??
I think not...

 

 

Confusion

Ever had a conversation where both parties seem to be speaking in English, but there's no actual communication happening?

This occurs most often for me when I am talking to people at call centers.  They usually live in some far off country, are working the night shift and are more concerned about getting me off the phone than in solving my problem, whatever it may be.  They always end the conversation with "May I help you with anything else?" when usually they weren't even able to help me with why I called.

It always surprises me when these conversations happen at home.  I came in from a walk and Kate was watching a YouTube video on tying shoelaces.  I was confused because I thought I taught her how to do that when she was three.

"What are you doing?"

" 'S fairies." she said.

Fairies?  I searched my mind to try to make sense of this comment.  I couldn't find one mental picture of a fairy with shoes on, and even if I had, can you imagine how tiny the little shoelaces would be?

"Fairies?"

 " 'S fairies, Mom.  I'm trying to learn to tie a square knot."

Did girl scouts teach her nothing?  She could sense my bewilderment. "Mother.  I got leather shoe laces for my new shoes and I want the knots to look cute."  She was getting a little snippy with me because she was attempting to watch a video and also because she felt that she had done enough explaining.

I still was mystified as to what fairies had to do with leather shoelaces but when I picked up her new top-siders, I figured it out. 

"Sperry" is embossed on the back.