Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Excitement on an Airplane

Last week, I posted a story about going to Ohio to our friend Chris' wedding. Getting there was another story.  Of course we obviously did, so that's a happy ending, but if you've ever flown you can totally sympathize with our angst because of our pilot's lack of bedside manner.

Here are the texts of the actual event.  It's a study in everything a pilot should not say:


Anonymous said...

My favorite comment from the pilot ran something like this, as we were leaving Atlanta bound for Columbus on a business flight from FL.

"Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen.

Before we close the cabin door I'd like to advise anyone with a fear of flying, back problems, heart conditions or motion sickness to take a later flight, and exit the plane now.

Weather in the Columbus area may not provide a window of opportunity to allow landing and we may have to divert to Dayton or Cincinnati. Anyone that decides to continue on, please visit the restrooms now, as the seat belt sign will not be turned off for the remainder of the flight. Please check the seat-back pocket in front of you and verify that you have an air sickness bag and notify the flight attendant now before take off, if you do not. The attendants will be buckled in for the duration of the flight, and there will be no passenger service during it. "

He was right on all counts, about a quarter of the plane used the bags, some more than once. Roughest flight I've ever been on anywhere. Two little girls screamed and cried the entire flight. When we got to Cow-town he left the holding pattern twice, only to get waved off by the tower as the windspeeds were higher than the aircraft profile would allow.

The third time his announcement was-

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we have another lull coming up on the radar that is 10mph lower than the profile wind sheer limit, and I'm going to try and take advantage of it to get us down. The approach will be fairly quick and steep, but there's nothing to worry about, and we should be on the ground shortly if the lull holds. If not, we will be diverting to Dayton, as we cannot afford the fuel to wait here any longer. "

Fairly quick and steep was a generous understatement, the landing was sort of like the first big drop on any major coaster you ever ridden, and there must have been divots in the asphalt where he sat us down,- twice.
He opened the door and stood in it, but did not say a cherry good by as we staggered past. Sometimes a pilot can divulge way too much information.
- Bill W.

Kathie Aldum said...

Oh how hilarious! Glad you made it home in one piece!

One of South Africa's budget airlines is called and they have a great way of entertaining their on board customers... here is a few quips i remember from their flights..

....As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses....

....Kulula Airlines is pleased to announced that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”