"You going for a walk?" she said.
"Yep."
"There are some huge-ass eggs by the golf course across the street from Mary's. They don't look broken. Go and see if you know what they are."
As I grabbed my tennies, I wondered what type of egg they could be. Ostrich eggs are massive, but I've never seen any ostriches wandering around the perimeter of the golf course. Still, I guess that doesn't mean they can't be there.I also wondered when "huge-ass" became an adjective. I know that Jill Conner Browne used "big-ass" to describe the hair of the wannabes in her wickedly funny book series The Sweet Potato Queens - but she's from Georgia.
I've never actually had the pleasure of hearing Ms. Browne speak, therefore I don't know if 'ass' is actually part of her spoken vocabulary. I imagine she only writes it and so I grant her poetic license. I have not issued any such license to my daughter.
I walked closer to Mary's house. I saw the eggs. I continued advancing. I knew what they were. Mushrooms. We used to call them puff balls when we were kids. They sprout up over night and in just a couple of days can grow to be the size of your head.
In the spirit of Jill Conner Browne and Kate all I can say is:
That's some huge-ass fungi.
