Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The Mysterious Eggs

Kate left for work and two minutes later my phone rang.

"You going for a walk?" she said.


"There are some huge-ass eggs by the golf course across the street from Mary's.  They don't look broken.  Go and see if you know what they are."

As I grabbed my tennies, I wondered what type of egg they could be.  Ostrich eggs are massive, but I've never seen any ostriches wandering around the perimeter of the golf course.  Still, I guess that doesn't mean they can't be there.

I also wondered when "huge-ass" became an adjective.  I know that Jill Conner Browne used "big-ass" to describe the hair of the wannabes in her wickedly funny book series The Sweet Potato Queens - but she's from Georgia. 

I've never actually had the pleasure of hearing Ms. Browne speak, therefore I don't know if 'ass' is actually part of her spoken vocabulary.  I imagine she only writes it and so I grant her poetic license. I have not issued any such license to my daughter.   

I walked closer to Mary's house.  I saw the eggs.  I continued advancing.  I knew what they were.  Mushrooms.  We used to call them puff balls when we were kids. They sprout up over night and in just a couple of days can grow to be the size of your head. 

In the spirit of Jill Conner Browne and Kate all I can say is:

That's some huge-ass fungi.


Jessica said...

Weird. They do look like eggs, even in the close up.

Kate said...

To be fair I was driving and I didn't have time to investigate which is where you come in. I assumed they were from a dinosaur, I'll do another drive-by and update you when I get home.

A Wandering Soul said...

I, too, loved those as a kid. But I can't say I have seen them that big. Maybe I stomped on mine before they got that size.