Flip Phones

Among the gifts our grandsons got on Christmas were two plastic flip phones. 

The boys were both extremely pleased with these presents and during the day we watched as they took imaginary pictures and stopped what they were doing to have make-believe conversations on them.

As we were leaving, I noticed that Brody had stuffed his phone in the elastic band of his pants. “In case Spidey calls,” he told me.

Who can argue with that logic?

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Dear Mr. Tall and Dark

He's tall.  He's dark.  He has perfect eyesight.  He's a bit skinny and he has big feet but he's a good listener - although he doesn't retain much.  He prefers being outdoors by himself over being indoors with a group of strangers, or even friends for that matter.  You would call him a quiet man; he never butts into the conversations of others.  He's a rational individual, very left-brained.  He thinks with his head not his heart. People don't accuse him of being dramatic, either.
 

In my world, cute reptiles are few and far between.

I have never met Mr. Tall and Dark, yet I sense these things about him because of a sign I saw at the foot of the trail I walked on today.  It had his name and phone number on it and said he was a herpetologist.  (That's when I knew he was polar opposite of me.)  It further stated that he was counting reptiles in our area and we are to call him if we see any snakes.  (I couldn't read any more after that...)

Why anyone, a.n.y.o.n.e., would choose to count reptiles I can't fathom; the machinations of his mind are that different  from my own.  I do know this though: If this gentleman is waiting beside his phone for me to call him because I've spotted a snake, he waits in vain.

I will never be calling him.  If I see a snake, I will be too busy screaming and running to make any phone calls at all.

Help! I've Lost my Attention Span

Banking is big business in Charlotte which is where most people who live in our little town work, so it's no surprise when you go to a party here that you will be surrounded by folks employed at banks in one capacity or another.  Last night was just such an occasion and I put my big, fat foot into my mouth when I mentioned to one bright and witty woman I'd just met that, for me, her job as an auditor sounded dry and boring.  She spent the remainder of our conversation trying to convince me that her job was anything but.  She jet sets around America, eats out almost every meal, has a maid to clean her (hotel) room, and sees something interesting and different every single day at work.  For her, auditing is clearly a good career choice, but for me...

Who am I trying to kid here anyway?  I could never land a job as an auditor because no one in their right mind would hire me to be one!  One of my friends once did her Master's thesis on ADD and later when I was musing upon whether or not I was afflicted with that particular brand of malady, she said, "Are you kidding me?  You are the POSTER CHILD for ADD!!"  She said it with conviction so I knew she meant it.  Then she looked at me and started to laugh.  She laughed a lot harder and a lot longer than I felt was appropriate.  For a hot second, I hoped she peed her pants a little but my feelings of irritation passed quickly.  Probably because I got distracted....

I know that my attention span isn't all that long but that's normal for me - it's always been that way - and I make adjustments for it.  It does interfere with my life somewhat, but not necessarily in a bad way. I like to think of my little interruptions like commercials on TV programs. Sometimes funny things happen during the breaks but eventually I get back to the main event.  

For example, getting the house in order this week is top priority because our kids are coming to visit and I want it to look extra nice.  It took me two days to clean the guest bedroom and the closet, but on the up side, I did go through my entire wardrobe, try on and evaluate every single piece and take a huge pile of clothes to Goodwill. 

Today I am tackling the kitchen.  Midway through cleaning out the fridge, I found some dipping chocolate and I knew I had some pecan halves in the freezer.  Two + two = chocolate covered pecans!  (See, I can do math.)  When they are totally set, I will put them away and get back to my cleaning.  As time ticks by it will seem more and more like cramming for an exam, but I am accustomed to working well under pressure.  I have had a lot of practice at it.

My cleaning style drives Jerry crazy because one day's work often bleeds into the next and in the interim the whole place is a mess.  Clearly, he does not have ADD.  HE would be a wonderful auditor.  The first company where he interviewed would snap him up immediately.  Fortunately, he already has a job that he thoroughly enjoys.  I'm the one who is not .... how do they say it...[ahem] gainfully employed.   It's not that I'm not looking, it's that I have pretty specific job criteria [part-time, wildly creative, with fun, flexible co-workers and bosses who recognize the value in my varied life-experiences and therefore pay me more than I could ever imagine in my wildest dreams] and nothing has come up yet.  When it does though, I'm all over it.  If you know of such a job opportunity, please call me immediately. 

While I'm waiting for the phone to ring, I guess I'll go back and finish cleaning the kitchen.....or sweep off the deck....or do the laundry....or maybe play the piano...My new friend the auditor is also an accomplished knitter...maybe she can help me figure out a pattern for socks....I wonder what time she gets home from work....there's a little time before I have to start supper....what should I fix....maybe I should call my friend the ADD expert....I haven't talked to her in ages...

That's what the commercial break sounds like in my mind.  Now back to [cleaning] my regularly scheduled broadcast.  Maybe.