The Perfect Couple

When Jerry gets up in the morning, he's like a ninja.  He silently slides out of bed while I remain deep in slumber.  He could be dressing an inch away from my face and I'd never know it, he's that quiet.

When I get up, I'm like a baby elephant.  With every step I take, the house shakes on its foundation.  Pictures rattle as I bump into walls and doors.  It's hard to believe I can make this much noise when I'm trying to be so quiet.  Not only do I wake Jerry (and anyone else who might happen to be sleeping in our house,) I'm pretty sure I wake up the neighbors too.

It's true what they say:  Opposites DO attract.

Dear Mr. Tall and Dark

He's tall.  He's dark.  He has perfect eyesight.  He's a bit skinny and he has big feet but he's a good listener - although he doesn't retain much.  He prefers being outdoors by himself over being indoors with a group of strangers, or even friends for that matter.  You would call him a quiet man; he never butts into the conversations of others.  He's a rational individual, very left-brained.  He thinks with his head not his heart. People don't accuse him of being dramatic, either.
 

In my world, cute reptiles are few and far between.

I have never met Mr. Tall and Dark, yet I sense these things about him because of a sign I saw at the foot of the trail I walked on today.  It had his name and phone number on it and said he was a herpetologist.  (That's when I knew he was polar opposite of me.)  It further stated that he was counting reptiles in our area and we are to call him if we see any snakes.  (I couldn't read any more after that...)

Why anyone, a.n.y.o.n.e., would choose to count reptiles I can't fathom; the machinations of his mind are that different  from my own.  I do know this though: If this gentleman is waiting beside his phone for me to call him because I've spotted a snake, he waits in vain.

I will never be calling him.  If I see a snake, I will be too busy screaming and running to make any phone calls at all.